He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
