He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she peed on how many people?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
