i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
