dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
