if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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