Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize