i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she peed on how many people?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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