What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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