Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
