I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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