so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
