At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
