Pants 0. Shit 1.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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