Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
