So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
