Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
