after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
