I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
