My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
