Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
false alarm, still single
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