You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
