his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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