good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this will be a night to untag.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
