i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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