if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
