look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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