hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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