You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
