I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
