I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
