Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
