ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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