He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
