Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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