At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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