i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
