We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
