roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
