My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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