So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
