Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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