he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
