I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
