There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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