Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
