Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
