pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
