Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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