Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
