You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
