He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
