did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
