There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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