So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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