I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
