clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
