I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
