he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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