I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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