During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
