I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
should my penis look like a turkey
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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