well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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