i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
