Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
