went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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