dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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