I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
