I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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