i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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