Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
