So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
