We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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