I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
