last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
