dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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