Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
