haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
