So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
