if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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