i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
