i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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