Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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