It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
