Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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